2016

“She has been feeling it for a while now – that sense of awakening. There is a gentle rage simmering inside her, and it is getting stronger by the day. She will hold it close to her – she will nurture it and let it grow. She won’t let anyone take it away from her. It is her rocket fuel and finally, she is going places. She can feel it down to her very core – this is her time. She will not only climb mountains – she will move them too.”

Wow, where do I begin? I’d never have envisioned the year ending like this. So many things have changed. 2016 feels like a transitional period into growth… the sort of growth I never really experienced while growing up. It’s the sort of hard growth that forces you to clench your fists and grit your teeth and mutter “fuck it!” and simply plow through.

I’m exhilarated at what 2017 might bring. The valuable lessons it would teach me… about love, humility, trust, self-preservation… about being authentic with yourself, and living up to your own principles (and so never settling for anything less than I deserve). I swear to God I will keep on smiling my way through and do my best to not cast a shadow upon others, for they are not the ones who ought to be the bearers of what has resulted.

First and foremost, I will be a better daughter, and this time I am not saying it without a concrete plan. I’ve had enough of my shitty behavior. I will listen to what they have to say without blocking it out. I will be patient with what they have to say (even if their tone isn’t quite right sometimes), just as I do to others around me. I will do the things they ask me to do (like using the other light in my bedroom, or putting my towel in the bathroom) because I know that not doing them will affect them more than doing them will affect me. I will not force my opinions down their throats. I will help them out more in chores – offering to dabao food, for starters. I need to love them right. I need to grow up, for real, and help them see that I am a changed person.

Overall, in 2017, my focus will be on doing things right by me. From this branches a great many things – family, keeping my circle intentionally tight, to not be driven by lust, and fulfilling my responsibilities as well as I can.

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